who i really

my colleagues stared at me in disbelief when i told them that i perfer girls to guys, obiously i was joking with them. one of my colleagues guyfriend is leaving for australia tomorrow but she is not taking leave to send him off due to the sticky situation they are in. do we really need that special companion in life now?

i dont see it as a must or need yet. i am happy with the life i am in now. i am enjoying freedom like never before. i have no committments to make and no promises to keep. i am not obliged to do anything for anyone. i am able to do anything that i like. i dont have to consider about the other party's feelings when i make decision. i am truly living for the sake of myself. do i sound selfish? maybe to a small extent but let's accept the sad truth that Man is selfish by nature.

dont see me as a opposition to relationships. i am NOT! i have my past and nobody, especially those around me want to bring it up. what's the point? what's past is long gone. just live with it and life goes on. i admit that it is a wonderful experience to fall in love. i am sure i can substitute that feeling by eating chocolates right? laugh at me all you want. i know it's absurd to compare falling in love with eating chocolates but the chemical reactions happening in my body is similar. dont get the wrong idea! how can we compare the life long experience we will share (keyword here is share) with the companion with the instant joy by popping chocolates into our mouths?

i am not afraid of committments. if you think carefully, we are making new committments every now and then. a few months back, i need to carry out my duties as a student. and now, i have to ensure that i am able to work efficiently and productively. committments are action promises. i guess i am more of the carefree person. i dont wish to be tied down soon. i can only live life once. i want to truly enjoy life before i settle down. i want to know more about the world. i want to enrich my life by taking up courses, learning new stuff and gaining more knowledge. i want to be further developed mentally and spiritually. i want to continue to explore and know the true me. i always believe that i need to understand myself first before i can allow someone to understand me. give me time to venture on my own and i will be a better person out of it.

being a carefree person. is that just an excuse to cover up? i dont believe in this word forever because nothing in life lasts forever. friendships does not continue unless you make an effort to maintain it. families break up. couples break their promoises. even human is not immortal. is it why i does believe in eternal love? but wait, is there any difference between love and eternal love? please dont tell me the difference is there is an additional word for the second phrase. how about not does not want to rely too much on others? could that play a part to my stand on relationships as well?

i am so tired after working today. i am seriously suffering from monday blues. the pictures i took on my birthday have not been uploaded yet. they are still in my memory card. i have not recharged my digital camera yet too. i will try my best to get it done as soon as i can.

"think before you decide"